- 1817 Queen Anne Ave, Suite 202, Seattle, WA
- 707-440-9288
- ian@ianmackelvie.com
- 707-440-9288
- ian@ianmackelvie.com
Starting couples therapy requires honesty. We do not know whether or not a couple is going to remain together or not. If you’re able to start at that point, we can really evaluate what’s happened, and what we can do together.
Conflict, distance, silence, resentment. These are known as relationship killers, and left untended the wounding can become so great that it’s difficult to get back to safety.
The unfortunate truth is that most couples wait too long before they choose to work with a coach or therapist. Occasional flare-ups become habitual patterns, and the small wounds we are not intending to cause become more difficult to feel no matter how much you say your sorry or talk about it together. Finding a way to disrupt the pattern will need someone that can provide clarity.
They erode slowly from disconnection, misattunement, and never learning how to repair. That’s the work we do here. Informed by somatic therapy and relational depth, I help couples learn how to interrupt destructive cycles and feel more connected.
This isn’t about fixing your partner. A relationship where one partner expects the other to change is doomed to fail. I instead help people find out why they react, why they hold back, and find ways to share their emotions in ways that change how they reflect.
The set up you will find when you walk into my office won’t look like what you’ve seen in movies or shows. Patients don’t sit down looking across at me while sitting side by side, and you won’t be talking to me while your partner listens. Instead, you’ll be speaking directly to each other, face to face, learning in real time what happens in your dynamic. My role is to support what’s hard to see and to help you witness how your patterns play out, and how your deeper selves are trying to connect beneath the tension.
I check my emails and office line Monday thru Friday, and typically reach out within 24 hours to let you know if I have availability. You won’t be left wondering.
After a brief conversation, and an explanation of my process, we can find a time that works for both of us.
Whether in person or remote, making a commitment to therapy takes guts. Together, we will explore your wants and find the path to get there.
I don’t have you both sitting on a couch talking to me. You face each other. This should seem obvious, as the goal is to help you understand what’s happening is between you, the couple. I guide you from the side, helping both of you see the patterns and underlying emotional signals that drive conflict and disconnection.
I work with all sorts of couples. Married, divorced, those questioning having kids, moving in, dealing with infidelity, polyamorous couples various sexual orientations, you name it. Relational ingredients that lead to healthy dynamics share more similarities then difference. Our goal is to develop those.
Not always. My style of therapy integrates individual sessions in order to provide a space to reflect on things that are maybe difficult to express right away to a partner. This is done with a lot of clinical discretion, as we do not want to avoid secret keeping while also not exposing someone who is not ready for that.
Yes. Much of what happens between partners plays out through unconcious mechanisms that are deeply entrenched. I help each of you track your own reactivity, learn to regulate in real time, and explore ways to engage that don’t entail re-wounding ourselves in predictable patterns.
Yes. Virtual sessions are available, and the structure is very similar as being in the office.
Use the Contact Form to give me some brief details of what you’re experiencing. You can also call or email me. I try to respond to all contacts and inquiries within 24 hours, Monday thru Thursday.
