- 1817 Queen Anne Ave, Suite 202, Seattle, WA
- 707-440-9288
- ian@ianmackelvie.com
- 707-440-9288
- ian@ianmackelvie.com
I learned in my own therapy that there are certain topics people try really hard to avoid talking about, one of which is sex. Most are more comfortable talking about it from a boastful perspective, but it can go unaddressed at a vulnerable emotional level. Reaching out for support around sexual issues can be a starting point for many.
Difficulty with sex usually has deeper emotional roots. For many, it starts with shame, fear, confusion about identity, or early experiences that left them feeling guarded. For others it can be years of feeling rigid about it but then having issues with actual partners. Whichever reaction you experience, we can think of the underlying emotions as a way to predict how we will move through it.
Some pull away, some move forward, and some shut down. You may have tried to think your way through it or fix it through over analysis or some technique, but end up still feeling stuck. This can build up into a further feeling of paralysis or even resignation.
Relationships are a gateway to how we approach sex in our lives; the emotions experienced in the relationship can indicate patterns of how we express or guard our sexuality. During therapy I may ask you a lot of questions about how sex is for you and what you notice is happening. This could be the first time you get to talk openly about what you actually experience with someone else. Equal parts terrifying and exciting.
We get to explore how tension, collapse, and bracing show up in your relationships and your physical sensations. Family history, or traumatic events, or past relationships can reveal old strategies for protection and control. The very act of doing this with another, such as a therapist, can be highly activating. The commitment to therapy and exploring this can elicit surprising responses.
I work with individuals and couples. You don’t have to be partnered to explore sexuality or relationships. You just need a willingness to look honestly at your patterns and a desire to feel more free.
For couples, I help you talk about sex directly and maybe get to take a look at how it got disrupted in the first place. That can bring up discomfort, but it can also bring relief. When we remove the pressure to perform or fix, new conversations become possible.
I check my emails and office line Monday thru Friday, and typically reach out within 24 hours to let you know if I have availability. You won’t be left wondering.
After a brief conversation, and an explanation of my process, we can find a time that works for both of us.
Whether in person or remote, making a commitment to therapy takes guts. Together, we will explore your wants and find the path to get there.
No. Sex therapy explores emotional and relational roots of sexual difficulties. It’s not about giving techniques or tips, although you may end up discussing those during therapy. We work together to develop an emotional understanding of sexuality for you, and work to address what issues you are struggling with, and what can shift.
Somatic interventions, if a client is interested, can be used to explore emotional reactions and expressions. We may work with breath, posture, awareness, or movement. Of course this is based on what you are interested in, and what makes clinical sense.
Yes. Many people with sexual trauma benefit from this approach, but it may require going slowly. We go at your pace, with consent and clarity.
Yes, but it depends on your coverage. We can talk about that when we have our first phone conversation to set up a schedule to work together.
Yes. I offer in-person sex therapy in Queen Anne as well as virtual sessions for clients across Washington and California.
Use the Contact Form to give me some brief details of what you’re experiencing. You can also call or email me. I try to respond to all contacts and inquiries within 24 hours, Monday thru Thursday.
